Welcome to 2007!

Wow! I didn't realize I had not written here in a month!!! Geez time flys. Anyways, I am welcoming 2007. I feel as though I am starting out fresh. A new begining for my new life. I soon will be divorced and be completely just "me". Well, me and Zack of course. I cannot get my soon to be ex to understand that we aren't teenagers anymore. It's time to stop acting like we are kids and grow up. I have already made this change about 4 years ago. He continues to think he can just keep playing around and it's causing me headaches and heartaches. Therefore I have to cut my losses and get the hell out.
This year my resolution is to take care of me. So, I have started working out and eating right. I am signed up to go to school this semester. And I am working on getting my house back in order so that I can move back in. Not that staying at my parents house has been bad, but I just love being on my own. With my husband out of the way I might be able to concentrate on my body and what its telling me. I am focusing a great deal on getting my diabetes under complete control. Not just sorta under control.

I hopfully will be able to accomplish all the above. I am trying to be strong throughout the whole divorce situation but its hard on me. It's hard to think that the person you love, treats you like shit. He is the only one I have been with. I know he is not the ONLY fish in the sea but I'm treading in unknown waters. I only dated three guys in high school and I just knew he was the one. He showed me things that I didn't know about. We clicked like he had known me all my life.

I also feel that I have wasted my time with him. I worried about him the whole time he was in Iraq. I acted like I wasn't, but that was just a front. I cannot say that I regret being married to him because I would not have Zack. I wouldn't trade Zack for anything in the world. He is first in my life. My world revolves around him. The sad thing is that his dad has even stated that he has only been in Zack's life for a total of 6 months. That is a terrible thought. That makes me so sick. There is no way I'd not be in my child's life.

Like I have said. I am going through ALOT of changes right now and kinda feel like my life is spinning out of control. But maybe if I keep my mind on me, things will straighten out sooner or later. The funniest thing is I still have a yearning to have another child. I am not in a place or time in my life to have a baby. But the need is still there. I don't know why but I so dearly want another baby. Ain't that the craziest thing you've ever heard?

Well thanks for listening to me talk about my crazy life. I'm sure as time goes on you will hear more.

Friggin Christmas is coming Man!!!!!

Ok, I don't know if it's just me or if everyone else feels the same way but it just ain't time for Christmas!!!!! I barely have any shopping done. I am soooo clueless as to what to get people. I think that this year I just want to take care of the people close to me and not worry about the rest. My son is #1 on my list. As long as he is taken care of I don't care. I know I probably should not be this way but times are hard for me right now.

I guess I feel like this because the whole married life is pretty messed up right now. It's got me all messed up. I just feel lonely I guess. I feel like I'm the only one in the marriage. I am responsible for EVERYTHING. I want to feel appreciated and like things are split 50/50. I have given up a lot of things and it's time to think about me for once. I can't wait to go to school next semester. Finally I'm doing something good for me.

I hope I don't continue to have this BAH Humbug attitude for very much longer. It's just not like me to be this way. Maybe my husband will act right soon. I dunno. I just hope he does something about the whole outlook on life thing before I give up on him and move on. I just want him to be responsible for more than just himself.

On top of all this, my son has been sick. He had to be taken to the emergency room monday. His temperature got way too high. He has a kidney infection/kidney stone. Two days later he acts like nothing happened. He is back to normal and ASKED to go to school. So he has kept me busy this week.

I have officially registered for classes. So I will be attending school next semester. I can't wait. It feels good to go back to school. I know I probably won't feel this way after the fact. But at least the enthusiasm is there. I'm kinda anxious about it. I am a perfectionist when it comes to school stuff. I've been out so long I will have to actually clean the cobwebs out and use my brain again. I will keep you updated on that. I am taking Spanish, Personal Finance, and Western Civ.

Well, I've probably bored anyone who has read this. So, I will leave on that note. I hope you have gotten more of your christmas shopping done than I have. Don't procrastinate like me. Be a smart person and do it before christmas eve night! :)

Aw man the holidays are a coming!

I guess I just wasn't ready but Turkey Day came by slapped me in the face and kept on running!I mean I got to eat with my family and all but it went by soooooo fast. I hope that Christmas doesn't do the same. I did put the Christmas tree up and the lights are on the porch but it still doesn't feel like it's that time again. Hopefully I'll get straightened out. ;) I have so much to do. I don't have anything done. No shopping, no gifts, nothing, NADA! I am not like this. I usually have things pretty under control. We'll see what happens.

On another note, I am looking forward to going to school in January. It's been a few years since I've been to school, but I think I'll enjoy it. I feel like I am accomplishing something by getting back in school. I have yet to figure out what I wanna be when I grow up but maybe it will come to me soon. It better because I'm getting older. I'll be 80 years old and still in school not knowing what I want to do. :)

Well I guess I am a little undecisive right now. Maybe next week after all the leftovers are gone I can get back on track. I think the turkey did it. I ate too much this week and so now I'm not worth shit. Oh well, I guess I'll try to get-r-done. I will keep you posted.

Zack, my little hero! :)

My baby isn't a baby anymore. He has came A LONG way. From looking at him he looks and acts like a normal little 3 year old boy. He didn't start that way..............
My little boy may act and look like he is normal but he has Spina Bifida. Zack had surgery when he was only 2 months old. Dr Andrew Parent at the children's hospital in Jackson, MS did a great job on my son. I thank God everyday for what Dr. Parent gave my little boy.

What Is Spina Bifida?
Spina Bifida occurs within the first month of pregnancy and results in an incomplete closure of the spinal column. Spina Bifida is the most frequently occurring permanently disabling birth defect. Seven out of 10,000 babies are born with serious birth defects like Spina Bifida. Every day, an average of eight babies are affected by Spina Bifida or a similar birth defect of the brain and spine.

What Causes Spina Bifida?
The cause of Spina Bifida is not known with certainty. However, scientists believe that genetic and environmental factors may act together to cause Spina Bifida.

What Conditions Are Associated With Spina Bifida?
Special attention is needed to identify and treat condition associated with Spina Bifida. Due to the wide range of neurological damage and mobility impairments, it can be difficult to identify some secondary conditions. Attention should be focused on the psychological and social development of children and young adults with Spina Bifida. Conditions associated with Spina Bifida include mobility impairments, bowel and bladder complications, latex allergy, tendonitis, obesity, skin breakdown, gastrointestinal disorders, learning disabilities, depression, and social and sexual issues.

My son has been spared the conditions normally associated with Spina Bifida, so far. He has been in speech, physical, and occupational thereapy since he was 4 months old. Recently this past summer he was released from all therapies. He is doing well with the exception of his weight. A complication with his esophagus has had an affect on his weight but we are keeping a close eye on that. Otherwise Zack is a normal little boy.
Now with that said. Zack has yearly visits with his neurosurgeon to make sure everything seems to be working right. There could be some problems down the road as he grows and puts stress on his back. I like not to worry so much about the future but his is looking pretty good.

Well I guess the real reason I said all of this is to put information out there to others. I want other people to know they are not alone. Your kid may have a condtion, so what. Mine does too. That doesn't mean that you are the "only one" or that you are "too young" to deal with it. Just make sure that that child gets EVERYTHNG he or she needs. There are programs to get help. There are people that are there to help. Just ask questions and keep going. Even if you don't "feel" like not going to therapy try to do it for the child. Your child will reap the rewards in the end. I'm not saying that it's easy caring for a child with a disability, but sometimes life is not easy. And people will give advice, Doctors give opinions but when it comes down to it the decision is yours. If you don't feel comfortable with something say so. If your doctor doesn't listen to you, find one that will. Just don't give up.

If you are reading this and want to know more about me and my son. Email, messege me or whatever. I want to hear your stories and about your kids.

I don't even know where to start but here goes.My life is changing really fast and I'm trying to figure out what to do and how to do it. I need to get serious about some stuff that I haven't been taking really serious. I got diagnosed with Diabetes last year and didn't do anything about it. Well I got pregnant this past summer and miscarried. This has happened before so I decided to look further into it.I went to genetic counseling and that did not help much but it got me to thinking about the whole diabetes thing more seriously.
I started seeing a Endocrinologist to see where I needed to start. I didn't like everything he said but he finally gave me an answer that no one has given me. He said you have all the classic signs of PCOS.
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)
Syndrome, which effects 5-10% of all women worldwide and is a leading cause of infertility in women. PCOS is characterized by infrequent or irregular menstrual cycles, excess facial hair growth, obesity and infertility.

So the more we talked the more I learned that I have been treating symptoms to a syndrome for a few years now. Well I kinda got a little depressed when he told me it would be very hard to continue trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant unless I was willing to work on the whole diabetes thing. That hit hard. It was like stabbing me in the heart.
I've thought about it for a few weeks and now I am going to try to get serious. I see everyday what my father is going through and he struggles now because he didn't take care of his diabetes until he was in his thirties. My dad is only 47 and he will probably be on dialysis sometime in the near future. That right there scares the crap outta me. I am 25 so that means 22 years down the road that might be me. I don't want to be like that. I want to see grandchildren, have a house to myself, and grow old so I can tell everyone how life was in the old days.
I have decided to start taking better care of me for a change. I want to lose weight, control my diabetes, exercise, and just feel healthier all around. I am going to use this blog to write down my thoughts and feelings as I try to reach my goals. With all this said here are some goals and I'll be adding and changing as things happen.

1) My goal weight is 200 lbs. which means I have about 65 lbs to lose. I have already calculated that 1 to1.5 lbs a week will get me to my goal weight by March 2008.
2) Start eating better so I can control my Sugars. I have already started taking the medication and checking my sugars. I will let ya know how that's going.
3)Start the south beach diet. Which I think is going to be the hardest. I dearly love potatoes and bread.
4) Exercising. OMG!!!! I did this one pretty good last year and lost about 40lbs. So I just have to get back into it. I would like to be going to the gym at least 3 times weekly for 1hr.
5)Reward myself when I do good with something material, instead of food. I use food for everything. Sad, mad,happy,excited, etc We celebrate we eat, we are upset we eat. I just like to eat!!!!!

So now that I have my goals written down I feel that I must try to accomplish them because everyone knows now. I have also written these down on paper. So maybe if Iam serious with myself maybe I can Get Serious.