Welcome to 2007!

Wow! I didn't realize I had not written here in a month!!! Geez time flys. Anyways, I am welcoming 2007. I feel as though I am starting out fresh. A new begining for my new life. I soon will be divorced and be completely just "me". Well, me and Zack of course. I cannot get my soon to be ex to understand that we aren't teenagers anymore. It's time to stop acting like we are kids and grow up. I have already made this change about 4 years ago. He continues to think he can just keep playing around and it's causing me headaches and heartaches. Therefore I have to cut my losses and get the hell out.
This year my resolution is to take care of me. So, I have started working out and eating right. I am signed up to go to school this semester. And I am working on getting my house back in order so that I can move back in. Not that staying at my parents house has been bad, but I just love being on my own. With my husband out of the way I might be able to concentrate on my body and what its telling me. I am focusing a great deal on getting my diabetes under complete control. Not just sorta under control.

I hopfully will be able to accomplish all the above. I am trying to be strong throughout the whole divorce situation but its hard on me. It's hard to think that the person you love, treats you like shit. He is the only one I have been with. I know he is not the ONLY fish in the sea but I'm treading in unknown waters. I only dated three guys in high school and I just knew he was the one. He showed me things that I didn't know about. We clicked like he had known me all my life.

I also feel that I have wasted my time with him. I worried about him the whole time he was in Iraq. I acted like I wasn't, but that was just a front. I cannot say that I regret being married to him because I would not have Zack. I wouldn't trade Zack for anything in the world. He is first in my life. My world revolves around him. The sad thing is that his dad has even stated that he has only been in Zack's life for a total of 6 months. That is a terrible thought. That makes me so sick. There is no way I'd not be in my child's life.

Like I have said. I am going through ALOT of changes right now and kinda feel like my life is spinning out of control. But maybe if I keep my mind on me, things will straighten out sooner or later. The funniest thing is I still have a yearning to have another child. I am not in a place or time in my life to have a baby. But the need is still there. I don't know why but I so dearly want another baby. Ain't that the craziest thing you've ever heard?

Well thanks for listening to me talk about my crazy life. I'm sure as time goes on you will hear more.